Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize