We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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