11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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