I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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