i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
