His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize