why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize