she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
