I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
