I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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