My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Mom said you looked used
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
