dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
