I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
