so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
