Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
