I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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