I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
