i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
4 words: hood of his car
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize