Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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