oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
