Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
