dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
