the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
