We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
