It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
