You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
