The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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