apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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