Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we made out on top of his cat.
im holly from the hills drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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