my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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