You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
