My liver just broke up with me...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
