Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Randomize
