I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
