I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
