Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
