so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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