ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize