So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
