I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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