Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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