Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
