she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize