actually, I'm a sock model
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why do cheetos always look like penises
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
