Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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