he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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