good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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