My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
