How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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