Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
