Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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