barbara walters just said penis...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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