Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
