yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
