i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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