I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
