I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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