I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just found puke in my bra..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize