mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
