Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
