I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
