So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
