I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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