at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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