And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
