your room smells of hookers.
And success
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's get the cat blown out
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
