If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
