guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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