He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We had sex on a dog bed..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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