well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize