and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think i have two assholes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am naked and annoyed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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