Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
