Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
