So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
