things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Farmville is her only friend.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
