we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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