If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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