with your own penis?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
