So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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