never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
