oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude i'm inner monologue high
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
birth control should be required to get into college
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
