Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this will be a night to untag.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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