She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
