She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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