the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
