we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
