he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
