I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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