I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
