grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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