there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
