I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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